The boys and I have just been on a journey. We are currently in Brighton visiting friends which, of course entails vast quantities of driving in order to get here. I realised that along with a now older less dependent family there are a few perks. One of which is that a five hour drive to Brighton is no longer a military operation for which I must steal myself for days with organisational skills that would shame the military. In fact I can, almost, pack and go. Granted we did leave the camera behind - again!!! but otherwise we arrived intact with nothing major forgotten, nor major arguments (unless you count the usual leaving the house melt down that seems to accompany us on every journey, often even ones of half an hour or less.
In fact it was very pleasant despite that fact that the first national trust place we stopped at did not open on Mondays and we had to forgo our sophisticated leg stretch and frothy coffee for a decaff in a local greasy spoon, still a step up from motorway services even if they do have an M&S. we arrive in Oxford for our long stop and found that the Ashmolean was also shut on a Monday and all the tourist tours were full. Sounds nightmarish when I write it down but in fact we had a lovely day. We diverted to the Natural History Museum and the Pit River Museum instead which were fabulous!!! And I mean FABULOUS. The displays were what I thought of as stuffy and old, lots of glass cases with dead stuffed things in them, but there were so cleverly arranged and described that they provoked thought and educated you just by being in the room. Even the pillars holding up the room were made from different rock from round Britain and they were all labelled with type of stone and where they were from. Animals were presented in formal classification with fossils in the same class/order.genus being presented alongside animals that we recognise. There was so much stuffed into such a small space (along with hundreds of kids on half term - a big downside for us) that in the end we were overwhelmed and left. We hardly saw any of the Pitt Rivers collection which was behind all the natural history stuff and that was more interesting- half a million objects donated to the museum by Mr Pit Rivers (whose full name is impossible to remember) on condition that they be housed in a museum for public viewing and displayed according to category rather than age or culture which is more unusual 'in order to display the sheer ingenuity of humanity' (quoted from the guide leaflet). In comparison to the recent revamp of Manchester Museum, which I have not seen for myself but have heard hideous things about, it was gold dust. Maybe the bods at Manchester could take some time to nip down to Oxford and take a peek, preferably in half term when you cannot move for kids and exasperated people who have forgotten it is half term, something that sadly cannot be said for Manchester Museum any more.
Also impressive about Oxford is it's terribly efficient park and ride scheme. Once we were in the city centre we could see why it has had to become so good but we parked the car for £1.50 for the full day, the kids were free on the bus and I was £2.20 return. I can't get to the local shops for that near us, not with the children with me.
And so we have arrived in Brighton. I have spent the day ignoring children and reading 'how to be a woman' by Caitlin Moran which could lead me into all kinds of feminist rants but i really don't feel like it. We all know being a woman is both fabulous and desperate at the same time usually and while I am a flag waving feminist, I appear to have left my flag at home. The children have spent they day with their friends making a movie, well they have made the trailer for it and it is fab, all black and white mood shots. Sadly no-one knows how to post it in the net but we will have a DVD by the end of the week to bring home and show off with.
Tuesday 25 October 2011
Saturday 15 October 2011
Moving on
I haven't blogged in so long I hardly know where to start. There is so much going on just now it is hard to know which bit to write about. I have finished another baby blanket and sent it off to baby Katie. I made the pattern up so it is a bit 'hit and miss' in places and would be difficult for anyone else to replicate with any accuracy (or should I say without the mistakes) but on the whole I am pleased with it.
I have moved on to yet another blanket for a friend's baby and a teddy for her older sister. The teddy is finished but I will post a pic when the blanket is finished so I can post about them both together.
The Sports Star has left for Uni which is a massive moving on moment for all of us. All is going well at the moment, she has settled in and is enjoying it all, doing loads of sport, winning competitions, getting her head round lectures and a new way of working. She has been lucky with flat mates who appear to be reasonably like minded and she has not gone far away from home which I think has made it easier for all of us.
The Music Man has suddenly grown up, also moving on in many ways. In the last month, he has started a paper round which sees him up at 6:30 every morning so he has much more day to fill. At the moment that seems to be with excessive guitar playing and Warhammer. He will also be moving into his room in the next week (as soon as I have made the curtains), the first time he has had a room of his own since his little brother was born.The Artist also seems more grown up, less of a little kid and he too is looking forward to a room of his own and the chance to decorate it how he wants.
I am now in an all male household. So far it doesn't feel much different although I do miss the female company. I am moving on in many ways. I am now a mum to older children, indeed to one young woman who is making it on her own. The relationships are changing. However I don't seem to have any more time on my hands. I guess the home ed keeps me hands on for much longer than most parents can expect. That said I have just spent the day making a Lord of the Rings version of Monopoly with the Artist so there must be some time available, even if it very quickly swallowed.
I am also moving on in my spiritual life. Not necessarily by choice this time. The Vatican has (finally) issued a new missal, the words to the Mass that I have grown up with are no more. They are not totally different but different enough to make me think. This is a good thing. Except I am not so sure about some of the changes and very unsure of the reason behind them. Some of this is natural reticence about the change of something so familiar and loved, but some of it is grounded deeper. I will post more about it in the coming days but for now I have a lot to think about. In addition our parish church has closed on health and safety grounds and no one is sure whether the closure is permanent though it doesn't look good just now.
In fact so many things are different in my life that I feel like I have picked up someone else's along the way; as if somewhere during the summer holidays I went away and came back with the wrong luggage. Two children at home not three, no parish community to speak of, a grown daughter, an unfamiliar form of worship. God has pulled the rug out from under my feet all at once and I am yet to find out where I will land. We shall see. I am still singing, still knitting, still frantically trying to meet all my commitments, still going to Mass even though it feels odd to just sit in the bench and not be involved. I miss the praise and even though 'A leap of faith' is still going we may need a new name if we can no longer sing praise music as well as the secular. All will be well.
Monday 3 October 2011
On the March
Ok so I haven't posted for a while. Partly I have been too busy doing to write about it and partly there hasn't been much to say. Today however we joined 35,000 other people on the streets of Manchester to protest against the cuts imposed by the government on the opening day of the Tory party conference. The children dressed themselves as zombies - the generation of the living dead thanks to the massive cuts that have been made and the burden of financial responsibility that will fall on their shoulders as they mature into adulthood.
I had to ask myself some serious questions before going on this march. What did I really think? Previous demo's I have been on have been to do with climate change, third world poverty and more recently cuts in local services that directly affect me and mine. All issues that easily motivate me to get out on the streets and protest. This however felt a little different. I didn't necessarily agree with the aims and objectives of the organising group, in fact I didn't actually know what they were to begin with. I don't necessarily disagree with everything the conservatives have done. Protesting on the streets of Manchester is a very public statement so I weighed my options - admittedly only after the children had already decided they were going.
On balance there are many reasons to protest
The original meaning of the word protest is to bear witness for something, before someone. In that context on Sunday I marched to bear witness to the damage that far reaching cuts are doing to our country and to the damage they will do in the future. I marched because people who have poor opportunities have had their opportunities reduced even further. I marched because young people have lost community groups that offered protection from gangs, university is now and unattainable goal, and EMA a thing of the past. I marched because university education will now be a means to get a job rather than a valued end in its own right and much knowledge that is not financially useful will be lost. I marched because my parents will now be unable to claim their full pensions along with many others who were just about to retire. I marched because climate change - the most important issue to face our world to date- will now fall off the agenda in an effort to keep countries solvent. I marched because I want children who are interested and engaged with the political process that affects how they can live their lives. I marched because I do not want to loose the right to public protest and if we don't use it we WILL loose it especially in the light of Augusts riots. I marched because desperate parents have lost the support of their sure start centres as they are closed one by one. I marched because children in my local area who congregate in the library for want of somewhere else to go where someone is interested in them, will now have nowhere to go because our libraries are closing. I marched because for the first time the prospects of the generation to come are less than my own.
I did NOT march to overthrow the government or because I thought my little voice would change the mind of the government. I did not march because I agreed with all the aims and agendas of the different groups represented in the protest. If I waited for that I would never do anything. I did not march because I think the Tories are scum and I did not march because I am disaffected, dissatisfied or just generally angry.
Regardless of the outcome of the protest it has value in its own right. Jesus called us to bear witness to the truth. Many years ago a man named William Wilberforce did just that. It took over 20 years but in the end slavery was abolished. The more people remain silent, the longer we sit at home wringing our hands at the state of the world, the longer it will take.
The next demo is the one in support of the general strike called for November 30th. Will I go? Not sure yet. Probably. Do I agree with a general strike? Not sure but I know that the right to strike is fundamental and I have spent time with people from developing countries who do not have that right, people who look to our past and what the trade unions achieved for us to inspire them to fight for decent wages and working conditions. I think really we are all the same and that is all we are asking.
I had to ask myself some serious questions before going on this march. What did I really think? Previous demo's I have been on have been to do with climate change, third world poverty and more recently cuts in local services that directly affect me and mine. All issues that easily motivate me to get out on the streets and protest. This however felt a little different. I didn't necessarily agree with the aims and objectives of the organising group, in fact I didn't actually know what they were to begin with. I don't necessarily disagree with everything the conservatives have done. Protesting on the streets of Manchester is a very public statement so I weighed my options - admittedly only after the children had already decided they were going.
On balance there are many reasons to protest
The original meaning of the word protest is to bear witness for something, before someone. In that context on Sunday I marched to bear witness to the damage that far reaching cuts are doing to our country and to the damage they will do in the future. I marched because people who have poor opportunities have had their opportunities reduced even further. I marched because young people have lost community groups that offered protection from gangs, university is now and unattainable goal, and EMA a thing of the past. I marched because university education will now be a means to get a job rather than a valued end in its own right and much knowledge that is not financially useful will be lost. I marched because my parents will now be unable to claim their full pensions along with many others who were just about to retire. I marched because climate change - the most important issue to face our world to date- will now fall off the agenda in an effort to keep countries solvent. I marched because I want children who are interested and engaged with the political process that affects how they can live their lives. I marched because I do not want to loose the right to public protest and if we don't use it we WILL loose it especially in the light of Augusts riots. I marched because desperate parents have lost the support of their sure start centres as they are closed one by one. I marched because children in my local area who congregate in the library for want of somewhere else to go where someone is interested in them, will now have nowhere to go because our libraries are closing. I marched because for the first time the prospects of the generation to come are less than my own.
I did NOT march to overthrow the government or because I thought my little voice would change the mind of the government. I did not march because I agreed with all the aims and agendas of the different groups represented in the protest. If I waited for that I would never do anything. I did not march because I think the Tories are scum and I did not march because I am disaffected, dissatisfied or just generally angry.
Regardless of the outcome of the protest it has value in its own right. Jesus called us to bear witness to the truth. Many years ago a man named William Wilberforce did just that. It took over 20 years but in the end slavery was abolished. The more people remain silent, the longer we sit at home wringing our hands at the state of the world, the longer it will take.
The next demo is the one in support of the general strike called for November 30th. Will I go? Not sure yet. Probably. Do I agree with a general strike? Not sure but I know that the right to strike is fundamental and I have spent time with people from developing countries who do not have that right, people who look to our past and what the trade unions achieved for us to inspire them to fight for decent wages and working conditions. I think really we are all the same and that is all we are asking.
Tuesday 14 June 2011
Sam
Today is a sad day in our house. The lovely Sam, our faithful hound has gone to sleep forever.
Never a spot of bother. Always ready for a walk. Now he's gone and the house is a little quieter than it ought to be, a little less lived in. He was far too ill to carry on but the decision to take the life of another animal is hideous, just putting him in the car felt like the ultimate betrayal of loyalty and trust. I was a sobbing wreck in the waiting room so they found me somewhere to sit with him and the wait was endless. The hardest part was ringing the vet in the fist place; to take that decision. Now there are lots of little sadnesses. The Artist went outside to the trampoline and there was no click of claws on the laminate to see if anything interesting was happening. I had to throw out food after tea and no one came to hoover up the dropped chips while the evening meal was being cooked.
The thing is I was never soppy about our Sam, in fact I probably felt the restrictions of having a dog more than most in the family possibly because I have never had a responsibility like that before, but, as with most mum's I know in a family where there is a dog, I probably did the most with him, most regularly. So despite not being a soppy crazy dog owner, I am really, really sad. So is The Artist who has preserved a few clumps of hair. The others are managing better; The Sports Star and The Music Man are that little bit older and realised to some extent what it means when a dog is to ill even to stand. Dh has done this before, he grew up with cats and the dogs of relatives. So The Artist and I have spent the day watching TV, making costumes for the upcoming Manchester parade, eating whatever we fancy... looking after ourselves a little.
and finally....
Some completed projects
A loopy tea cosy for a friend.
Have also completed cushion covers for the front room (which have been on the jobs list for twelve months) and new covers for the chairs in the kitchenn (Jobs list since Christmas). However the picture have been mysteriously deleted from the camera before they have been downloaded and so I cannot share.
Saturday 28 May 2011
Chasing bees
A couple of thursday's ago I took my camera for a walk. Having dropped the children off at the sports centre I had two hours to kill. Normally I go for a nice coffee and sit with some knitting but I wanted to use the time differently.
It felt kind of odd, going for a purposeless walk by myself. For me much of the joy of walking is in the shared experience so to set off in a strange place with no place to get to felt, well just weird. At the very least there is usually the dog with me.
I tried to look for beautiful things to take pictures of, but I was trying too hard. It seemed like an age before I relaxed into just being in the space, and the thing that did it in the end was trying to follow a bee. This bee was whizzing about between blackberry flowers going about it's business, but it was far too quick for my amateur attempts at wildlife photography. Every time I got the camera even close to the right flower, the bee had already moved on.
As you can probably see I am no photographer, but the photo's are not really the point of the exercise, taking pics just gave me a focus and when I am focused I am in the present moment. I lost all sense of time trying to get a picture of that bee, I lost the sense of it being a bit odd to be out on my own doing nothing in particular, I lost the sense of the time constraints of needing to pick up the children. My whole world became getting a picture of that bee. Like the world of a toddler or child at play.
And I did loose track of time I only wandered for half an hour!! It felt like I had been chasing the bee for twice that time at least. When I arrived back at the car bothered that I might be late for the kids, I was really surprised to find I had been out so short a time. The moment had passed though and I went back to my knitting and my coffee.
I had thought I might be inspired by my walk into something creative, or that I might come home somehow changed and ultra-relaxed. In the end I think the value was in getting right into the hear and now, right into those moments when I was unaware of my surroundings, the inevitable joggers and dog walkers, the weather, the time - just focused on that bee. There is a real knack to this present moment stuff, it takes practise to be really present to what you are doing but it brings peace, breeds contentment and puts to rest some of that striving that we all spend so much time doing.
It felt kind of odd, going for a purposeless walk by myself. For me much of the joy of walking is in the shared experience so to set off in a strange place with no place to get to felt, well just weird. At the very least there is usually the dog with me.
I tried to look for beautiful things to take pictures of, but I was trying too hard. It seemed like an age before I relaxed into just being in the space, and the thing that did it in the end was trying to follow a bee. This bee was whizzing about between blackberry flowers going about it's business, but it was far too quick for my amateur attempts at wildlife photography. Every time I got the camera even close to the right flower, the bee had already moved on.
As you can probably see I am no photographer, but the photo's are not really the point of the exercise, taking pics just gave me a focus and when I am focused I am in the present moment. I lost all sense of time trying to get a picture of that bee, I lost the sense of it being a bit odd to be out on my own doing nothing in particular, I lost the sense of the time constraints of needing to pick up the children. My whole world became getting a picture of that bee. Like the world of a toddler or child at play.
I even chased a different bee in my determination to get a good bee picture. In the end the best picture was of a flower. I have always loved daisies, they make me feel cheerful, childlike. they are so bright and sunny, really simple to draw and really abundant at this time of year.
And I did loose track of time I only wandered for half an hour!! It felt like I had been chasing the bee for twice that time at least. When I arrived back at the car bothered that I might be late for the kids, I was really surprised to find I had been out so short a time. The moment had passed though and I went back to my knitting and my coffee.Tuesday 17 May 2011
Growing...and Growing
Eighteen years ago this month I found out I was going to be a mum. I guess I experienced all the usual emotions which are too numerous and too confused to ever separate out into a coherent narrative, so I will not try. However I do remember that most of these emotions were to do with the immediate; how will I manage? What will it be like? How do you change a nappy? What exactly does a baby do? Is giving birth even possible? Will I ever stop being sick? Now the answers to some of these questions were easy I was an oldest child and had lots of cousins so I knew the mechanics of nappy changing and bathing - the responsibility though, I'm not sure I have ever got used to that. Despite my concerns being for the baby's immediate needs, I always knew I was heading in this direction, to the other end of the journey; to the part where they are all grown up. Almost to the day that I found out I was pregnant, my now not so baby girl went to the ball. The Sports star set out on a sunny May evening with her +1 in tow looking like she had just stepped off a catwalk or out of an expensive salon.
As if this wasn't enough the youngest babe has reached double figures. Yes our littlest offspring is 10.
and it is not all that long since the Music man entered his teenage years. So we are a changing family at the moment. Families are always changing of course but sometimes those changes are big and obvious to everyone, which is where we are this year.
All these growing children has left my arms a little empty and my head with not so much to do. I find myself musing over what I would like to do with myself when this Home ed adventure is over. Then I have a day like today where I was trying to pull together a history project while simultaneously making sure it was their work and not mine, writing shopping lists, doing housework and trying not to let my hand stray towards picking up my current book (more on that later in the week), and a day like tommorrow where I will be lucky to get any tea! So maybe my mind is a few months/years ahead of what is practical. Perhaps a blog, a few projects and the odd bored evening are enough for now.
Sunday 24 April 2011
The importance of play
Playing.
It comes so naturally and yet once we hit those teenage years we somehow stop - and then forget. I wonder why that is? The stopping can be explained, I guess by a need to move away from things that are 'childish', things that mark us out as children. As emerging adults we are all to aware that as a general rule adults do not play. They work. And so we try to shed playing and anything associated with playing to become 'more like adults'.
I have asked myself two very serious questions this week. Is this how I want my chldren to view adult life? and have I lost my ability to play?
The answer to the first question is no. Absolutly no. I do not want my kids to think of their life as 'grown up' as work and jobs lists. However if I am honest that is what my life has all too easily become. Several things have brought this into focus recently. A good friend has been inviting us round for games evenings once in a while, another set of friends are also into games and we have recently spent a lot of time with them playing. Playing piggy-in-the-middle on the beach, playing dice games. Also The Artist is into games in a big way, mainly because he lkes the company and this has got me thinking. We have had such a lovely time.
I have not (I don't think) lost the ability to play but I do not prioritise playing, it is way down the list behind cooking, washing, taxi service etc. etc. To some extent this is necessary, it would be no good if we had no clothes to wear or food to eat, but to have little or no play that includes the adults, expecially in a HE household is a poor do.
Thinking back I used to spend a lot of time playing with The Sports star when she was young, whenever we went to family parties I was alwys to be found in the corner with the children playing games rather than in the room with the adults chatting/moaning (there is often a fine line). But once there were three children, a DH that works away, teenage children to drive places and HE to consider (To name a few), the play kind of got lost along the way which is crazy and not at all the planned outcome of taking the kids out of school. I guess I got a bit wrapped up in being an adult and forgot to be who I am. The artists retreat I am sure has helped with this, focused the mind a little, allowed space in the schedule for play for me which in turn gives me more energy for play for 'us'. Spending time with friends who are enthusiastic about play also helps. The dawning realisation that 'the jobs list' will never actually be finished, it will just constantly change over the course of my life.
Spiritually also we are told to be like little children. In play we loose ourselves, we forget the things we are worried about, are planning for or working towards, forget how we look from the outside and become ourselves again. In short we live in the present moment, and that is where God is. God is present to us in the hear and now, not wrapped up in past problems or acheivements or to be found in fututre plans. Like little children wrapped up in a game of complex imaginings, we are called to be completly present to where we are, wrapped up in the love of Christ who is the divine centre of all we are, closer to us than even the breath we breathe. When we are wrapped up in Christ there is no room to worry about what other people are thinking, of how we might look from the outside or even of where the road might take us. We are completely present in the moment with God - just like a child at play.
As with all other things, what we choose to do in our practical daily life is a reflection of how we are spiritually so if I am unable to play, unable to let go enough to be silly, to get caught up in the moment and forget myself, how can I put myself to one side and alow God to work? On so many levels something needs to give.
As a way of trying to redress this a little we are having a bit of a clear out. We are going to play all the games we have and get rid of any that are rubbish so we can replace then with new (or new to us) ones that are worth the space they take up in the cupboard. The Artist and I made a start today as all the others were out and we had the place to ourselves. The problem is going to be that there are just too many good games out there - we only manage to get rid of one and that was because it wasn't in a great condition rather than because it was rubbish.
So more play in our house - at least until I forget again that painting the fence is NOT more important than playing.
It comes so naturally and yet once we hit those teenage years we somehow stop - and then forget. I wonder why that is? The stopping can be explained, I guess by a need to move away from things that are 'childish', things that mark us out as children. As emerging adults we are all to aware that as a general rule adults do not play. They work. And so we try to shed playing and anything associated with playing to become 'more like adults'.
I have asked myself two very serious questions this week. Is this how I want my chldren to view adult life? and have I lost my ability to play?
The answer to the first question is no. Absolutly no. I do not want my kids to think of their life as 'grown up' as work and jobs lists. However if I am honest that is what my life has all too easily become. Several things have brought this into focus recently. A good friend has been inviting us round for games evenings once in a while, another set of friends are also into games and we have recently spent a lot of time with them playing. Playing piggy-in-the-middle on the beach, playing dice games. Also The Artist is into games in a big way, mainly because he lkes the company and this has got me thinking. We have had such a lovely time.
I have not (I don't think) lost the ability to play but I do not prioritise playing, it is way down the list behind cooking, washing, taxi service etc. etc. To some extent this is necessary, it would be no good if we had no clothes to wear or food to eat, but to have little or no play that includes the adults, expecially in a HE household is a poor do.
Thinking back I used to spend a lot of time playing with The Sports star when she was young, whenever we went to family parties I was alwys to be found in the corner with the children playing games rather than in the room with the adults chatting/moaning (there is often a fine line). But once there were three children, a DH that works away, teenage children to drive places and HE to consider (To name a few), the play kind of got lost along the way which is crazy and not at all the planned outcome of taking the kids out of school. I guess I got a bit wrapped up in being an adult and forgot to be who I am. The artists retreat I am sure has helped with this, focused the mind a little, allowed space in the schedule for play for me which in turn gives me more energy for play for 'us'. Spending time with friends who are enthusiastic about play also helps. The dawning realisation that 'the jobs list' will never actually be finished, it will just constantly change over the course of my life.
Spiritually also we are told to be like little children. In play we loose ourselves, we forget the things we are worried about, are planning for or working towards, forget how we look from the outside and become ourselves again. In short we live in the present moment, and that is where God is. God is present to us in the hear and now, not wrapped up in past problems or acheivements or to be found in fututre plans. Like little children wrapped up in a game of complex imaginings, we are called to be completly present to where we are, wrapped up in the love of Christ who is the divine centre of all we are, closer to us than even the breath we breathe. When we are wrapped up in Christ there is no room to worry about what other people are thinking, of how we might look from the outside or even of where the road might take us. We are completely present in the moment with God - just like a child at play.
As with all other things, what we choose to do in our practical daily life is a reflection of how we are spiritually so if I am unable to play, unable to let go enough to be silly, to get caught up in the moment and forget myself, how can I put myself to one side and alow God to work? On so many levels something needs to give.
As a way of trying to redress this a little we are having a bit of a clear out. We are going to play all the games we have and get rid of any that are rubbish so we can replace then with new (or new to us) ones that are worth the space they take up in the cupboard. The Artist and I made a start today as all the others were out and we had the place to ourselves. The problem is going to be that there are just too many good games out there - we only manage to get rid of one and that was because it wasn't in a great condition rather than because it was rubbish.
So more play in our house - at least until I forget again that painting the fence is NOT more important than playing.
Thursday 14 April 2011
Friendship
I have had a bit of a week.
I have found that I have amazing awesome friends who love me deeply and without question
In those friends I have found a large chunk of heaven right here under my nose where I couldn't see it.
These friends, through just being who they are, have shown me something of the God I claim to believe in.
Maybe now I get it. For at least a little while.
The unconditional love of an all powerful God. Awesome.
Ransomed, healed, restored, forgiven, set free for a life lived abundantly in the grace of one who loves me without question. How great is our God?!
I have found that I have amazing awesome friends who love me deeply and without question
In those friends I have found a large chunk of heaven right here under my nose where I couldn't see it.
These friends, through just being who they are, have shown me something of the God I claim to believe in.
Maybe now I get it. For at least a little while.
The unconditional love of an all powerful God. Awesome.
Ransomed, healed, restored, forgiven, set free for a life lived abundantly in the grace of one who loves me without question. How great is our God?!
Friday 8 April 2011
A prayer
This is a prayer that God gave to me on a day of silence in 2004 when we were to contemplate the painting the prodigal son. Now I have been given a book to read which contemplates the same painting and it has brought this to mind. I have begun the process of putting a version together that can be sung. It maybe a long process as I haven't got the knowledge or skill to do this yet - but I'm working on it with the help of some very lovely freinds. Also given to me by God
Come to me all you who are thirsty
Come if you are poor, crippled, blind or dying.
Come of you are balck or whire, believer or no.
Come if you are doubled over with the weight of your troubles
Come when you sing for joy in the love of Yahweh
Come even if you have never come before
Come to me always, in every circumstance you find yourself
Come and share it with me
Come to me as you are; a child of God
Come and be healed, comforted, rejoiced over
Come and share with me; you are my beloved
Come to me and bring others with you, so that they also may drink
Come and show me who you are so that I may show you who I AM.
Above all come. For I am your God.
Come to me all you who are thirsty
Come if you are poor, crippled, blind or dying.
Come of you are balck or whire, believer or no.
Come if you are doubled over with the weight of your troubles
Come when you sing for joy in the love of Yahweh
Come even if you have never come before
Come to me always, in every circumstance you find yourself
Come and share it with me
Come to me as you are; a child of God
Come and be healed, comforted, rejoiced over
Come and share with me; you are my beloved
Come to me and bring others with you, so that they also may drink
Come and show me who you are so that I may show you who I AM.
Above all come. For I am your God.
Sunday 3 April 2011
My list of twenty
A couple of weeks ago I posted about a day of reflection and journaling I had attended. As part of it we had to write a list of twenty things we would do/places we would go on an artists date, by ourselves, for the enjoyment of doing something for ourselves. Well I am happy to say I have managed this for the last two weeks. This may not seem momentous but it is having an impact on my week already. I am calmer. I have a cast iron guarantee that there will be some enjoyment in my week. Most of all I have permission to be an important person in my own life.
This may sound like a strange statement but it is quite difficult to find time for self in a schedule crowded with people and commitments. Not that I resent the time I spend on other people - far from it, time spent with and for others is life giving in all ways. It is more that it is easy to become the least important person in your own life as you race around trying to fit everything in. I find it hard to say no to the kids; no I'm not going to do that with you because I am going to do something for myself. If I had a job to do fine, or if something more urgent came up, but prioritising self just because I can, that is much more tricky.
So what have I done so far? Week 1: I took an afternoon nap, plonked the boys in front of a DVD, took a shower and went of sleep. This may not sound like much to most, but if you consider I didn't sleep in the day even when they were babies, this is a big thing for me. Week 2: I took myself off to the wool shop and bought some wool that I didn't need. Another little step. I am still haunted by my extremely frugal student days where The Sports Star and I existed on next to nothing. When you realise how little you can manage with you start to view 'stuff' and the possession of 'stuff' differently. I have plenty of wool, I have the skill to adapt a pattern to fit the wool I have, so why buy more? Well it was such a pleasure!! And now I have the added pleasure of knitting with it in a week or so when I've finished The Artists hat.
so the list of twenty;
1) An afternoon nap
2) A day trip I have intended to take for ages (first on list the wildflower centre in Liverpool)
3) Go for a coffee
4) Buy some nice underwear
5) Take a singing lesson
6)Take some paints and drawing things to a local beauty spot
7) Go for a bike ride
8) Lie in a meadow on a sunny afternoon
9) Go to a bookshop for a mooch
10) Go to the garden centre and buy a plant
11) Do some colouring/take a pen for a walk
12) Paddle in the sea
13) Play a childhood game (two balls is first on the list)
14) An afternoon of prayer
15) Go to the wool shop
16) Go for a walk with the camera
17) Play guitar for the afternoon
18) Charity shop trawl
19) Mooch round the library
20) Go birdwatching.
Nothing on the list that is going to change the world but it may just make my life a little richer and a pleasanter place to be
This may sound like a strange statement but it is quite difficult to find time for self in a schedule crowded with people and commitments. Not that I resent the time I spend on other people - far from it, time spent with and for others is life giving in all ways. It is more that it is easy to become the least important person in your own life as you race around trying to fit everything in. I find it hard to say no to the kids; no I'm not going to do that with you because I am going to do something for myself. If I had a job to do fine, or if something more urgent came up, but prioritising self just because I can, that is much more tricky.
So what have I done so far? Week 1: I took an afternoon nap, plonked the boys in front of a DVD, took a shower and went of sleep. This may not sound like much to most, but if you consider I didn't sleep in the day even when they were babies, this is a big thing for me. Week 2: I took myself off to the wool shop and bought some wool that I didn't need. Another little step. I am still haunted by my extremely frugal student days where The Sports Star and I existed on next to nothing. When you realise how little you can manage with you start to view 'stuff' and the possession of 'stuff' differently. I have plenty of wool, I have the skill to adapt a pattern to fit the wool I have, so why buy more? Well it was such a pleasure!! And now I have the added pleasure of knitting with it in a week or so when I've finished The Artists hat.
so the list of twenty;
1) An afternoon nap
2) A day trip I have intended to take for ages (first on list the wildflower centre in Liverpool)
3) Go for a coffee
4) Buy some nice underwear
5) Take a singing lesson
6)Take some paints and drawing things to a local beauty spot
7) Go for a bike ride
8) Lie in a meadow on a sunny afternoon
9) Go to a bookshop for a mooch
10) Go to the garden centre and buy a plant
11) Do some colouring/take a pen for a walk
12) Paddle in the sea
13) Play a childhood game (two balls is first on the list)
14) An afternoon of prayer
15) Go to the wool shop
16) Go for a walk with the camera
17) Play guitar for the afternoon
18) Charity shop trawl
19) Mooch round the library
20) Go birdwatching.
Nothing on the list that is going to change the world but it may just make my life a little richer and a pleasanter place to be
Thursday 31 March 2011
A little progress
Have finally finished a few things I have been working on. Last August I decided I would knit baby blankets for three friends who were having babies in the new year. I really didn't expect it to take all of this time but designing is a slightly different kettle of fish to following a pattern. The first blanket (below) took ages. I must have started it three times before I decided on something I liked and then discovered that all the wools I had chosen was different weights. Lots of increasing and decreasing to keep the edges straight. It took at least 3
months to get the 4 main panels right. Unsurprisingly I'd had enough by then so I had a break and made another blanket, sadly I don't have a picture of that one, and to make some Christmas things. I'd learnt a few lessons about watching the thickness of the wool so that one took a much less time and I used the same idea for this last blanket.
The pattern, roughly was 160 st. Cast onto 7 and a half milimeter needles using double thread baby double knitting. Then established a ten row pattern, 8 rows stocking stitch in the white and two rows in contrast building up a pattern as can almost be seen in the phot. Then knitted a garter stich border on the same sized needles with only one thickness of wool and sewed it all together. It has turned out much bigger than I expected but still very happy with it. It knitted up fairly quickly so I didn'a have time to get sick of it like the other one. Next off the 'to do' list is a floppy scarecrow hat for The Artist in cheap read double knitting, because he almost certainly will never wear it.
Am also very happy with my front garden. I don't often get the chance to do it all in one go, but last Sunday managed a full (if not quite uniterrupted) afternoon of weeding and mowing and above all raking. Not everyone's idea of fun I know but I love it, especially when it looks like this at the end.
It needs a few more plants in but I hope to sort that ouyt soon as I planted a load of seed this afternoon. Rather than out of packets these are seeds I collected last year while out walking the dog so I'm not sure what I will get or even if they will all germinate but As the back garden is currently abuilding site there is little point planning anything specific, so this is a good year to experiment a bit.
Thursday 24 March 2011
Sunshine and freedom
It's at times like this I feel very very grateful to be home educating. We have just spent a happy three days in the sun; two of them doing outside jobs that needed doing and one day on the beach. Yes we spent Wednesday on the beach at Formby in the sunshine. An ordinary working Wednesday. We sadly watched the school children run down the road, uniformed and carrying 'stuff' while packing up the car with picnics, bats, balls, blankets and loads of 'stuff' of our own which seem, to be compulsory for a trip to the beach even though we rarely use any of it when we get there.
We did all the usual stuff, paddled in the sea (no it really isn't warm enough but I have to put my feet in the sea on principle whenever we go to the beach0, sat and chatted, played a new game we have called trac ball, drew pictures in the sand and collected shells. Most of all the kids vanished into the sand dunes, disappearing for a couple of hours at a time into some imaginary world that we adults were not part of. Not only is this very freeing on a work day (if a little sad without hard working DH) but there is something wonderful and freeing about a bunch of almost teenagers still willing to become lost in imaginary games. The music man turne 13 last week and I don't suppose many thirteen year olds even run round let alone with a stick, wooden cross bow and a head full of imagination. There is also something freeing about sitting on a beach with my friends talking about everything and nothing,while the rest of the world pities us for the hard time we have without breaks for our children. How do we cope?!
Freedom is one of the most importatn gifts we can give each other, after love it is possibly the most important, freedom to love, play, rest, work, pray, live, love and learn OR not to do any of those things. If nothing else our Home education journey gives us as a family, rather than me as an individual, freedom.
We did all the usual stuff, paddled in the sea (no it really isn't warm enough but I have to put my feet in the sea on principle whenever we go to the beach0, sat and chatted, played a new game we have called trac ball, drew pictures in the sand and collected shells. Most of all the kids vanished into the sand dunes, disappearing for a couple of hours at a time into some imaginary world that we adults were not part of. Not only is this very freeing on a work day (if a little sad without hard working DH) but there is something wonderful and freeing about a bunch of almost teenagers still willing to become lost in imaginary games. The music man turne 13 last week and I don't suppose many thirteen year olds even run round let alone with a stick, wooden cross bow and a head full of imagination. There is also something freeing about sitting on a beach with my friends talking about everything and nothing,while the rest of the world pities us for the hard time we have without breaks for our children. How do we cope?!
Freedom is one of the most importatn gifts we can give each other, after love it is possibly the most important, freedom to love, play, rest, work, pray, live, love and learn OR not to do any of those things. If nothing else our Home education journey gives us as a family, rather than me as an individual, freedom.
Saturday 19 March 2011
Unexpected Day
Isn't it funny how some days just smack you in the face? Sometimes good, sometimes bad but always unexpected.
As you might guess from the title, today has been that kind of day. A good friend of mine invited me on a course. This friend has been attending a 'night class' on meditation; learning how to meditate, how to relax, breathing techniques etc. So when he invited me and a couple of friends along to a one day workshop I thought that is what we would be doing.
What we actually did was write. And it was fantastic!
I have been doing prayer/meditation/ spitritual journey excercises for at least 10 years now if not longer, and I know that you ALWAYS get something from the time you put in. However, I have never been to a secular course before. Previously courses and workshops have been within the framework of organised religion so I was curious to see how different a secular course would be.
The answer was - no different at all except that the word God was replaced with higher power, or creator, or higher self. It seemed to me to be a lot of pussy footing around the word; trying to say God without frightening people away. I am all for bringing people closer to God and if that must be done without using the word, then as far as I am concerned that is all to the good. It is just a little bit sad that people see God in such a negative light; a product, no doubt of years of bad theology, consistently negative press and a vague feeling that belief in God is somehow weak or hypocritical in someway.
I got an awful lot out of the day, much of which is too private to share here. It is enough to say my dissatisfaction with the education system is entirely justified. As well as writing (uninterupted for an hour) and battling negative thinking, we had a lovely lunch, played hopscotch, laughed and grew together as a group of friends. After some revelations about the sources of our negative thinking we were encouraged to do three things which I would like to share here, just in case anyone might one day find them useful.
1) Write a positive statement about who you are. NOT who you would like to be but who you are now, in the present moment. And then write it out agan 20 times.
2) Journal everyday. In the morning or at a time of day when you are at your best, sit down with a blank journal and write. Write anything that comes into your head - a stream of conciousness and eventually it will change you. People of faith call this prayer but the label is unimportant.
3)Once a week you need to take yourself on a date. Just yourself. Not with a partner, child or friend. Even walking the dog does not count. Just you. A treat that is just for you doing something that brings you joy, for no other reason than it brings you joy.
That is why we played hopscotch.
And when we got home we ate good food and played kerbie something I haven't sone since I was a little girl.
So why did I not expect any of this? I don't know is the short answer. Because I haven't learned maybe? even after ten years I still forget that time put into yourself is time that will always be repaid. So I am off to write my list of twenty
As you might guess from the title, today has been that kind of day. A good friend of mine invited me on a course. This friend has been attending a 'night class' on meditation; learning how to meditate, how to relax, breathing techniques etc. So when he invited me and a couple of friends along to a one day workshop I thought that is what we would be doing.
What we actually did was write. And it was fantastic!
I have been doing prayer/meditation/ spitritual journey excercises for at least 10 years now if not longer, and I know that you ALWAYS get something from the time you put in. However, I have never been to a secular course before. Previously courses and workshops have been within the framework of organised religion so I was curious to see how different a secular course would be.
The answer was - no different at all except that the word God was replaced with higher power, or creator, or higher self. It seemed to me to be a lot of pussy footing around the word; trying to say God without frightening people away. I am all for bringing people closer to God and if that must be done without using the word, then as far as I am concerned that is all to the good. It is just a little bit sad that people see God in such a negative light; a product, no doubt of years of bad theology, consistently negative press and a vague feeling that belief in God is somehow weak or hypocritical in someway.
I got an awful lot out of the day, much of which is too private to share here. It is enough to say my dissatisfaction with the education system is entirely justified. As well as writing (uninterupted for an hour) and battling negative thinking, we had a lovely lunch, played hopscotch, laughed and grew together as a group of friends. After some revelations about the sources of our negative thinking we were encouraged to do three things which I would like to share here, just in case anyone might one day find them useful.
1) Write a positive statement about who you are. NOT who you would like to be but who you are now, in the present moment. And then write it out agan 20 times.
2) Journal everyday. In the morning or at a time of day when you are at your best, sit down with a blank journal and write. Write anything that comes into your head - a stream of conciousness and eventually it will change you. People of faith call this prayer but the label is unimportant.
3)Once a week you need to take yourself on a date. Just yourself. Not with a partner, child or friend. Even walking the dog does not count. Just you. A treat that is just for you doing something that brings you joy, for no other reason than it brings you joy.
That is why we played hopscotch.
And when we got home we ate good food and played kerbie something I haven't sone since I was a little girl.
So why did I not expect any of this? I don't know is the short answer. Because I haven't learned maybe? even after ten years I still forget that time put into yourself is time that will always be repaid. So I am off to write my list of twenty
Thursday 17 March 2011
getting started
It seems like I have been thinking about this for ages. Starting a blog that is. I have procrastinated for at least 6 months. Who would read it? What will it be about? Why do a blog? Am I just showing off to a wider world that doesn't really care? Will anyone ever read it? Does it matter if they do? In the end I have no answers to any of these questions, just a need to write. I have been writing for as long as I remember, mostly spirirtual journaling and always for myself. I rarely show people what I write because I write to clarify my thoughts, to get a handle on what I am thinking and feeling, the direction my life is taking in all it's mundane complexity. Not the kind of thing I am likely to publish on 'tinternet.
So what will I write.
Well I don't know yet. On one level I want this blog to be a record of the things I do with my family and our friends; a record of our home education journey and my own journey in faith; a record of our acheivements and a celebration of who we are our impact on the world around us. Now I am not suggesting that we are world movers and shakers, far from it, but all of us impact the world around us through those we love and the choices we make, no matter how insignificant they may seem. All of us are journeying and, hopefully, growing. Hence the title of this blog. Growth in faith, growth in love, growth in experience, growth through challenge and just by spending time in good company.
On another level I want to explore my abiltiy to write, I guess to 'find my voice' as authors interviewed on radio 4 seem to describe it. I did consider doing some kind of challenge and blogging about that (as in Julie and Julia), to give the whole thing some purpose and to help me keep up the discipline of posting regularly, but in the end I did not want a project that would dominate my thoughts, just quiet place that maybe a few friends would drop in on from time to time. Of course I have to learn how to use it and that may be challenge enough as this has taken an hour so far and I still don't know how to add a profile!!! As for pictures - maybe in another 6 months I will have a go.
So what will I write.
Well I don't know yet. On one level I want this blog to be a record of the things I do with my family and our friends; a record of our home education journey and my own journey in faith; a record of our acheivements and a celebration of who we are our impact on the world around us. Now I am not suggesting that we are world movers and shakers, far from it, but all of us impact the world around us through those we love and the choices we make, no matter how insignificant they may seem. All of us are journeying and, hopefully, growing. Hence the title of this blog. Growth in faith, growth in love, growth in experience, growth through challenge and just by spending time in good company.
On another level I want to explore my abiltiy to write, I guess to 'find my voice' as authors interviewed on radio 4 seem to describe it. I did consider doing some kind of challenge and blogging about that (as in Julie and Julia), to give the whole thing some purpose and to help me keep up the discipline of posting regularly, but in the end I did not want a project that would dominate my thoughts, just quiet place that maybe a few friends would drop in on from time to time. Of course I have to learn how to use it and that may be challenge enough as this has taken an hour so far and I still don't know how to add a profile!!! As for pictures - maybe in another 6 months I will have a go.
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